Masks and Me

I was going to write a post about what we've been doing, but I decided against it.
Instead, I'm going to talk about an interesting thing I realized the other day:
I miss me.
It feels like it's been the longest time since I was me, properly.
I had a long talk with one of the girls in my class a week or so ago (I think she was a bit drunk at the time) and I realized that I can't be me when dealing with most people. I knew this in part already, but I hadn't realized how much of me I had to take away in order to not make people uncomfortable or annoyed. When I hang out with the guys in my class, I can pretty easily just take a simple layer of stereotypical manly behavior and use that as a personality, it's a relatively simple piece of acting and an easy roll to fall into, but it's not really me, in any proper sense of the word. I have been able to be a part of me when we've been playing games at an internet-cafe here, that part has been very nice, since that is actually a role I can feel is a part of proper me, but other than that, I miss being able to relax and just be. It doesn't work here, or with these people. The biggest issue is, I think, that I'm much more used to the Scout-way of making friends, which is usually very direct. This doesn't seem to suit most other people, so I come off as annoyingly direct and personal. Not an optimal first impression. The good thing here has been that a lot of people have been drunk a lot of the time, and that tends to move people slightly further towards my favored way of socializing, but it is still pretty far from "the real deal", and it also tends to be quite temporary, what with people sobering up and all.
I guess that, in essence, what I really miss most is the possibility to meet new people and make friends without having to limit myself and go through layers of rules and technicalities every step of the way in order to not drive people away. It is really quite taxing, in the long run.
There were other things to write, but I forgot them. I'm sure you're all surprised.
Cheerio.